Moments... survived.. surviving

Like someone spalshing water all over with a bucket... cold water.. hitting hard.. couldn't open my eyes... through a small slit between my eye lids.. I could see few lights.. dimmer ones farther and some bright and near.. constantly changing postions... Incapable of estimating the speed!

I had to reach home!! I could have waited! No, I had to reach home!

My hands holding the bike's handle... they looked pale.. they looked wrinkled... they were shivering/// Indeed my whole body was shaking... eyes opened only If I saw downwards!! rain has formed a continuously running water-film on my eyes... For sometime I drove with one hand, using the other to wipe water off my eyes.. I tried hard to stop the cold leaking into me by cuddling into the raincoat (ya, I was wearing one.. which was of no use!)

It was two years back when I was riding home from Imliban.. around 12 in the night... My bike.. almost closed eyes!!... rash traffic.. our roads.. a downpour..!! Dunno how I survived that night!!!

When I reached home, I find my eyes bluee... face white as a ghost! and my body was shrunken due to the cold..

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This moment, I sit idle.. This moment that I'm here.. in this chair.. in my home, sweet home.. with brother whom I can see sleeping... and sense parents in the other room.. and feel happy about sona loittering somewhere around... The assurance of all these souls around.. the safety.. I get food on time.. I'm asked if I had lunch... If I had breakfast.. If I want something///

This very moment that I'm here.. that I'm idle.. though not happy about it, but surely not regretting about anything in life... This very moment

Wish every moment from now would be at least half better as this one!! pessimistic!!! well, even that doesn't help... many months are gonna be worse!!!

That fact makes me smile..!!

Help me!

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That was just one night through which I survived.. there are many more.. soo many more instances... every time I thought

"uuhh, this is it"

"this is the end"

"Ohh shit! it's over"

"Thank god!!"

I almost hit the edge of a divider! almost ran into an open man hole..! almost nudged the edge of the bus! Almost went under the tyres!!

Just soo many times.. It was always dangerous living on my bike... It's not the need to drive fast... but the frustration to lag behind so many!!! when the roads are empty, I drive much slower!!

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I feel like a hypocrite when I remember those things I told but couldn't do!!! not promises!! but other things!

I did many things I said.. I said many things I did!! but not those... those things which normal people don't try...

well, yeah that's it!!!